Non-Jews are for practice
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
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