I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
