I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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