I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
