lets start a swedish sibling band together
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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