The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
