i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
