i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
