just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
