i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
