SEEEEXXX PLEASE
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
