omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
