he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
