is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
