I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
