if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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