did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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