sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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