I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize