I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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