Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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