how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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