Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
