he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
