My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
