i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have demons in me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
