and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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