I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
