does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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