They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
