garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
