One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
