Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Green mimosas i think yes
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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