the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize