Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
