I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize