Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
