Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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