Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
