But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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