Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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