what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
