I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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