i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
