I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Randomize
