Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
