I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
