I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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