don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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