It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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