70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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