No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
