I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
