Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize