Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
