they need to just BURY HIM!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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