FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
