it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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