I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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