You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
