I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
