i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
