My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
