I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
