That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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