you traded sex for a burrito?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
