thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so that wasnt chicken after all
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
