Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
