Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
