Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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