I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
