You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
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