I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
