im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize