you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
