I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
