the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
