i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
