She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
