Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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