At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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