Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
