every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize